Earthforce was please to announce they found the vandals that did untold damage to Earthforce One. Cleaning crews are still busy removing all the graffiti in President Santiago’s office aboard the spacecraft which included crude drawings of anatomically correct Centauris’ doing untold things to the president and threatening language like “Counting down to lo Mr Prez” undoubtedly referring to Santiago’s injury to his gleuteus maximus during the Earth-Minbari war.
The suspects, all wearing vintage “Nixon” masks have been identified by Vice President Clark, the sole witness to the vandals act’s and their identities are being kept confidential for the moment.
A new Earth-inspired fashion trend is spreading to the worlds of the Narn Regime. It is not uncommon these days to see masked Narns walking the streets of their capital city with huge utility shells strapped on their back. Back here on Earth, these fashionable Narns are mostly transient and have been found roaming the sewers, typically emerging only for pizza and skateboarding.
The citizens of Minneapolis are understandably upset tonight as IPX once again brought an artifact through while ignoring quarantine regs as there are now pyramids popping out of the ground all over the city. In a statement tonight, IPX deeply regretted that their actions had “adverse effects” and are their top scientists are working diligently to de-pyramidify Minneapolis.
Local authorities are also at a loss to explain the sudden surge of reported pyrokinetic events in the east end of the city.
Whale of a time
Well it was a close one today for Earth and if not for the Interstellar Alliance we’d all have been doomed today right Kathy?
That’s right Sheena, a special thanks to our Minbari friends whom it was discovered today could speak in whale song. It was quite a sight to behold as Rangers, led by a Lennier, sang their hearts on in the style of humpback whales, and the alien probe threatening to destroy us all went on its merry way.
I believe we have footage from this event
That Lennier is getting to be quite a legend!
Today we have our report from Nancy, our resident expert on the Vree, who came back from her two week sojourn with them. How was it Nancy?
PROBES! PROBING EVERYWHERE! SAUCERS PICKING YOU UP AND DROPPING YOU ANYWHERE.
So what can you share with our viewers about Vree culture?
CROP CIRCLES! CROP CIRCLES IN YOUR CEREAL! CROP CIRCLE WRITING!
Nancy you’re looking a little frazzled.
I WAS WATCHING A ANCIENT EPISODE OF EIGHT IS ENOUGH ONE MOMENT AND THE NEXT I WAS IN VREE-KANSAS LAND WITH CHICKENPOX ON ONE SIDE OF MY FACE!!
About our unfortunate incident with the skylight
ISN’s new viewing gallery/skylight was unveiled live today during a broadcast to the surprise of our former, erm earlier leads. Earthforce graciously donated some assault teams for this surprise project today to coincide with Clarke’s Mars Fireworks Campaign.
With apologies to the Narn Regime.
Edgars Industries today halted production of the G’Quan line of Turtle Wax after a strong protest from a group of Narns that blocked access to main factory.
Edgars industries has however found a willing buyer for the surplus turtle wax in the form of the Centauri Republic, who whill have a chance to polish their ships and give it that “New Oppressor Smell”
- …after reviewing the new fleet of Omega-class destroyers, General Alexander could be heard congratulating the engineers “You added the spinning trucknuts like I requested, excellent!”
- Thank you for that report, Greta. I may never look at a starfury launch the same way again.
- So Terry, how did you meeting with the Psi Corp go?
- IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADA…
- Uh Terry…
- AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN
- Are you drunk?
- I AM RAPTURE
- Did you even go to the meeting with Mr. Bester?
- AND RAPTURE IS ME
- Folks we want to apologize for Terry’s beh…TERRY PANTS ON WHILE ON THE AIR
- IT BURNS LIKE A GLASGOW BIKINI WAX.
10 years after the Battle of the Line, Earth is about to pay tribute to those brave soldiers who died defending their home. And the canons are up… here come the beagles…and the beagles are loaded into the canons…final check on their audio hookups…and the canons are fired. There we have it folks the 21-beagle salute has started to the ancient theme of Faith of the Heart…and we hope the Minbari will accept this message of peace in the spirit of Roddenberryism.